FAKE NEWS - 2019 Edition


As the title suggests, this is entirely made up.



Hello! I'm Josh and this year I've had lots of fun... at the start of the year (in November) because the weather was nice and hot, I went somewhere with long stretches of sunny beaches and glowing, golden sand...


It was a long, slow journey of 2 seconds but I finally arrived. HURRAY!!!! but when I got there, I realised that actually the place I had been thinking of was Swindon. (I hear it's lovely this time of year). So I went there. But as it turned out, that was a dump too. When I got home I was so exhausted that I went home and slept for the rest of the year.

So that's what happened in 2019. I have enjoyed this year but I cant wait for 2037. (but I'm also looking forward to 2020 too) GOODBYE!!!


Hello! Or as they say in France when their leg has just been eaten by a crocodile: “Help! My leg has just been bitten of by this crocodile!”, as pretty much anyone would say, really. Anyway, My 2019 wishes will never stop (bit like Brexit, really.)! In 2019, I tried to breed a doe COMPLETELY out of optical body parts ( personally I don't think it was such a good eye-deer!). I also tried to not be so distracted by things and- Oh look! A butterfly! My 2020 resolutions are:
1. inproov mi spelin.
2. Prata inte av misstag svenska.(Do not accidentally speak Swedish)
3. Innit, though!
See you next second


Goodbye! I'm Mr Willy Wonka and I live under the sea with my mum who is called Janet. I have 89,000,000 children who can't tell the difference between a random man called James Baldock and a big hairy gorilla (to be honest, I can't either!) This year, I have been on many hiking expeditions like when I walked to the moon and when I had to take the extremely long journey to the downstairs toilet. That is a summary of my year. See you next year!


This year started well when I was awarded an OBE in the New Year honours for my services to plastic bottle recycling. March saw the grand opening of my very own theme park “Altonthorpington Towers Adventure Park”. I designed all the rides myself, including several world record breaking elements. My favourite is “Fire-Quacker” where riders sit in a giant duck and are launched from 0 to 100mph in 1.5 seconds, reaching a height of 637 feet before plunging backwards through real fire. This ride in itself breaks three world records, and most health and safety laws, but that's not a problem if you know the right people. I have been working on my DNA recombination techniques and I hope to be able to genetically engineer a unicorn by the middle of next year. Watch this space! I continue to conduct the BBC Symphony Orchestra in my spare time.





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